The Italian says, "When I've a finished a makina da love
withah
my wife, I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees, she
floats 6
inches above da bed in ecstacy." The Frenchman replies. "Zat is noting, when Ah've finished
making ze love with ze wife, Ah kiss all ze way down her body and
zen Ah
lick za soles of her feet wiz mah tongue and she floats 12 inches
above
ze bed in pure ecstasy."

The redneck says, "That aint nothing. When I've finished
porkin
the ole lady, I git out of bed, walk over to the winder and wipe my
weener on the curtains. She hits the freakin' ceiling."

You know you are a red-neck when!!!!!!!!!!!!

I found this and thought that is should be here.

Warning signs in a woman are:
• She avoids you on the street
• She makes excuses at the last minute why she cannot see you
• She seems to be sick more often and misses more work
• She is apologetic and makes excuses for his behaviour
• She is nervous to talk with you when he is around
• She seems sad
• She tried to cover her bruises
• She uses more drugs and alcohol to cope
• She gets angry and fights back

Warning signs in his behaviour are:
• He puts her down all the time
• He does all the talking, dominates the conversation
• He checks up on her all the time, even at work
• He acts as if he owns her
• He lies to make himself look good
• He tries to make you think he is the victim
• He tries to keep her away from you
• He acts like the king of the castle

1. Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in
pain
on the ground?
A. Shoot him again.

2. Q. How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck & the
noose.

3. Q. Why do little boys whine?
A. Because they're practicing to be men.

4.How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One - he just holds it up there & waits for the world to revolve
around him.
OR. Three - one to screw in the bulb, two to listen to him brag about
the screwing part.

5. Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy.

6. Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath &
calling your name?
A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

7. Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A. Because not one will stop to ask directions.

8. Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts.

9. Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

10. Q: What is the difference between men and women...
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need.
A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

11. Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs, and diamonds.

12. Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals."

HAha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Now you know what it is all about..

THE POEM
I knelt to pray but not for long,
I had too much to do.
I had to hurry and get to work
For bills would soon be due.
So I knelt and said a hurried prayer,
And jumped up off my knees.
My Christian duty was now done
My soul could rest at ease.....
All day long I had no time
To spread a word of cheer
No time to speak of Christ to friends,
They'd laugh at me I'd fear.
No time, no time, too much to do,
That was my constant cry,
No time to give to souls in need
But at last the time, the time to die.
I went before ! the Lord,
I came, I stood with downcast eyes.
For in his hands God! held a book;
It was the book of life.
God looked into his book and said
"Your name I cannot find
I once was going to write it down...
But never found the time"

Please take the time to acept others not for what they are but for whom they are..