>>Oil Change instructions for Women:
>>1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since
>>the last oil change.
>>2) Drink a cup of coffee.
>>3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
>>maintained vehicle.
>>
>>Money spent:
>>Oil Change $20.00
>>Coffee $1.00
>>Total $21.00
>>==========================================================
>>
>>Oil Change instructions for Men:
>>1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of
>>oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a
>>check for $50.00.
>>2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20,
drive home.
>>3) Open a beer and drink it.
>>4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
>>5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
>>6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
>>7) Place drain pan under engine.
>>8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
>>9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
>>10) Unscrew drain plug.
>>11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in
>>process. Cuss.
>>12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
>>Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
>>13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
>>14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
>>15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil
>>filter and twist off.
>>16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
>>everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in
>>trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
>>17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him.
>>Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new
>>garage door opener.
>>18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change."
>>Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil
>>in hole in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle.
>>19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
>>20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
>>21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
>>22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil
>>to gasket surface.
>>23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
>>24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
>>25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
>>26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back
>>yard, along with drain plug.
>>27) Drink beer.
>>28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel
>>oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover
>>oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain
>>plug in lawnmower gas.
>>29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
>>Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
>>30) Drink beer.
>>31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with
>>oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench
>>tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
>>32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
>>33) Begin cussing fit.
>>34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
>>35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
>>36) Beer.
>>37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood
flow.
>>38) Beer.
>>39) Beer.
>>40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
>>41) Beer.
>>42) Lower car from jack stands.
>>43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
>>44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled
>>during steps 23 - 43.
>>45) Beer.
>>46) Test drive car.
>>47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
>>48) Car gets impounded.
>>49) Call loving wife, make bail.
>>50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
>>
>>Money spent:
>>
>>Parts $50.00
>>DUI $2500.00
>>Impound fee $75.00
>>Bail $1500.00
>>Beer $40.00
>>Total - - $4,165.00
>>
>>But you know the job was done right!
>>
>>SEND THIS TO WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH...... AND TO THE MEN YOU THINK
>>CAN HANDLE IT.....
Gloria