STUN GUN (ONLY A GUY WOULD DO THIS.)
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his
lovely wife a Pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this.
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my
interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a
little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a 100,000
volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. the effects of the taser were suppose to be
short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing
her adequate time to retreat to safety...WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I
bought the devise and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the
darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned,
however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface
at the same time: I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and
forth between the prongs.
Awesome!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot
is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new
toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be that bad with only two AAA
batteries, right?!!!
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting
little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really
needed to try this out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I
thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better
of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to
my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that
it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses
perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and
taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock
and disorient your assailant: a two-second burst was suppose to cause muscle
spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would
purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
Any burst longer that three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All
the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less
than 3/4 inch in circumference: pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy,
bitsy AAA batteries thinking to myself, "no possible way!"
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best... I'm
sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as
to say, "don't do it mister," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a
tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself
a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my
naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION
@!@$$!%!@*!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in
the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and
over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position,
with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles
nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest
position , and a tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making
meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking, my face. undoubtedly
thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again"
NOTE: if you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of
caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself.
You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a
violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be
considered conservative.
SON-OF-A-... that hurts like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure
as time was relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what little I
had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were
on the mantle of the fireplace. How did they get up there??? My triceps,
right thigh and both nipples were still twitching, My face felt like it has
been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lips weighed 88 pounds. I'm still
looking for my testicles. I'm offering a significant reward for their safe
return.
Only a man
Gloria
Let the elected officals do all of that and lets all try and get along in Cyberspace even if it is for a brief moment in time..
