Twas The Night Before Sexmas
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'Twas the night before Christmas, and Geez it was neat
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat
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The doors were all bolted, and the phone was off the hook
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
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Momma in her teddy, and I am in the nude
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube
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When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.
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Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
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The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.
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When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
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With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,
A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.
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Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite.
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
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Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,
Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.
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Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,
Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.
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They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.
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And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.
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I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,
When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.
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His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,
He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.
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"That was some brothel," he said with a smile,
"The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay here awhile.
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He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink,
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
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I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.
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Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.
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The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.
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A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,
And a six pair of panties, the edible kind.
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A bra without nipples, a penis extension,
And several other things that I shouldn't even mention.
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A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
A dildo so long, it lay in a coil.
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"This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,
So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split."
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He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.
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He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.
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In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch,
Saying, "Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a bitch!"
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The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
"The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!"
Ontario,Canada
Gloria
mood and doubt if I ever will again..
