As I sit here at this PC I have many thoughts running through my head.Some seem to go now where then there are those that seem to go to far.
I am for sure missing my dad right now as this will be the first Easter without him and that makes me

and this will also be the first Easter that my mom will be going to my brothers for EAster as we have always had it here Easter is my Holiday.My oldest hold CHristmas and #2 daughter her holiday is THanksgiving.
Do you ever find yourself lost for words not knowing what to say or if you do find the words not knowing how to say them.

That is how I am feeling right now.
Its not all about Easter it has to do with how I feel about my life right now.

Its pretty shitty I can tell you that. I have a hubby that works great, supports us here I mean he pays all the bills ect. ANd my son and his soon to be wife also live here and my 2 dogs.
Well you are now thinking what does she have to complain about...
I mean I LOVE My hubby and all of my kids and I really love my dogs. Then there is always that BUT!!!
I had a really good cry tonight and promised my dogs that I will come back for them but I am unsure how much more I can take living here.I have tried to ask for HELP!!!! But the people here have no ears though it seems.

I am unsure how to make them listen to me.I tried to make some changes arround here like moving items in cupboards to make it easier for me to do the things that I need to do as a MOTHER,WIFE. But change does not go well here. I am unable to reach the stuff on the high shelves anymore so my idea was to move the things that I needed to the lower shelves. Now they are all complaining that they can't find anything.I have told them to open their eyes and they will see where things have now been put. BUT OHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! I feel like I am backed into a corner and never able to come out. I feel like I have been banging my head off the walls to many times.I feel like the people here take me for granite all the time.
I do have a job but I only work maybe if I am LUCKY 16 weeks out of the yr. My legs are to bad for me to take a full time standing in a factory job.. I would give me right arm to have a full time job.
Maybe then I would have a little sanity or save whats left of it.
On one of PolarB's blogs she wrote about how to be more assertive...
I am trying and it seems like I am moving backwards instead of frontwards.ANd I find myself lost for words.Am I going crazy?????????
you tell me,OK???
It this part of the grieving process??? Is complete confusion part of Grievng...
Maybe I have way too much time on my hands for thinking....
MAYbe I should not waste anymore of your time here in the stream. Maybe I should go like so many others have and not come back. I am unsure as what to do. These are the many thoughts that are flowing through my head at this precise moment in time on this place we call EARTH or whats left of it anyways..
I just dunno....
I mean I enjoy reading all of your blogs some more than others I feel like I have become attached to some of yous here YOu know whom you are.
Is it so wrong for me to want a little compassion and love in my life is it??
Just once I would like if Hubby came home and when he found me crying to take me and hold me in his arms and let me cry. Instead he asks whats wrong??? Well I am upset and I am crying maybe if you took the time to open your ears and your heart you would know why...
Well thats all I can do for tonight I need to go and blow my nose and finish the cry that I am having right now in this moment in time..Thanks for taking the time to read this mixed up thoughts of mine.
Gloria OUT!!!!!!!